Sadly and like most everything else I’ve ever learned and experienced, the “rules” I’m going to list here could be flipped into a “how not to” list. Most everything I’ve learned in my life came the hard way, from doing or experiencing it wrong first.
And “open mic” is often a misnomer. Often, it’s just an excuse for a band or wannabe performer to attract a captured audience while holding out the false hope that other musicians might get to play for a bit. Likewise, “jam session” is sometimes a similar con; you invite people to bring their instruments to accompany you. Both of those experiences are rarely repeated by most of us. Con me once, shame on you. Con me twice, shame on me. So the first rule is “tell it like it is.” If you are trying to attract an audience, don’t bullshit musicians into thinking your invitation is about anyone but you playing music and them listening. Once we’re past that, here are some other pointers from someone who has suffered and enjoyed 50 years of open mics and jam sessions.
1) Don’t mess with the sign-up order. I don’t care if one of your personal heroes shows up and insists that he/she doesn’t have time to wait his/her turn. People do not react well to favoritism, no matter who the favorite is. I’ve sat for an hour at a really awful open mic, watching the names tick off and my name get closer to the top, and when the floor manager suddenly decides to hop a couple locals over me, I just leave and never come back. For all I know, it was the only time it ever happened, but it happened to me and I am not that desperate for mic-time.
2) Use the provided gear. If you can only get “your sound” on your amp, acknowledge the fact that you suck and can only pretend to be a musician if you are so loud no one can tell how bad you are. There is a ton of value in having to make do in these situations. Almost 50 years ago, I thought I was a hot shot, gun-slinging lead guitarist because that had been my role in the last 3-4 bands I’d been in. I wasn’t bad, but I wasn’t great by any standard. Some friends introduced me to the Saddle Creek Bar in Omaha and the almost-famous jam session that club hosted every Monday night. The next week, I brought my guitar, amp and pedals and was told that I had to plug into the amps on stage and that my pedals were unwelcome. I suspect I whined a bit, but I plugged into a nice blackface Fender Vibrolux and proceeded to demonstrate how sloppy my technique was. My rig at the time was a Peavey Artist amp and a half-dozen distortion, gain, dynamics, and modulation pedals and I needed all of that to disguise that I rarely picked a note. My playing consisted of hammer-ons and pull-offs with an occasional picked harmonic and I counted on my very distorted over-driven rig to disguise my lazy technique. I quickly found a 50’s Fender Harvard amp, tweeked it a bit and replaced the boring CTS stock 10” with a K120 JBL and started working on my technique without electronic assistance. [I played that rig live and in the studio for the next 20 years before I sold it to an LA studio player on my way out of California.] After a few weeks of practice, I went back to Saddle Creek and held my own. I kept going back until I kinda was a hot shot, gun-slinging lead guitarist.
3) If you are the host or the host band, constantly remind yourself that the job is is more about being an MC than being a performer. Sure, get the ball rolling with 2 or 3 tunes and invite people to sign up while you’re playing. If the night starts to slow down, you can always get back up to close out the evening. But don’t be a stage hog, you’re just turning the night into a gig for you or your band and letting everyone else know that you imagine yourself to be a star.
4) For open mics, use a freakin’ signup sheet and put it somewhere everyone can see it. Ideally, use a chalkboard or whiteboard so the names can been seen by everyone from a distance. A white board is especially useful if you start attracting a lot of players; you can switch colors as you get near the end of the list and have to start over from the top. Holding on to the list so that you can pretend to be Ed Sullivan (ask your grandparents) and pick the talent is bullshit and the kind of control freak thing you need to not do if you want a big turnout.
5) For open mics, it is critically important that you put a time limit on stage time; say 3 songs or 10 minutes MAX per performer. You can always start your list over and give everyone another 3 or 10, but if you don’t set time limits Murphy’s Law of Musicians says “The worst performer will always hog the stage the longest.” Don’t torture your audience or drive out actual musicians by letting some total goober fumble around for 20 minutes jabbering about “how I wrote this song.” Put a damn time with a big display on the stage so nobody can pretend not to know when their time is up. If you have to, get a stage hook and drag them outta there.
For jam sessions, I’ve found that one or two songs per performer is the most fair way to decide what the group will be playing. Usually, jam session players naturally arrange themselves in a circle, which is perfect for determining who is next in line. Just pick a direction for the player rotation and everyone gets to either choose and perform a song with the rest playing along or “pass.” Don’t try to bully or con someone into playing and singing when they don’t want to do it. They might change their mind on the next time around. Some people just want to play along and not have to lead anything, so let them. A really asshole move is to pick a song and try to con someone else into singing it. If they wanted to sing your song, they’d have picked it for themselves. Put your big kids’ pants on and either play or get out of the way.
6) Watch your volume. Regardless of whether it is an acoustic or electric situation, music is a group activity (unless you’re a solo act) and trying to be the loudest guy in the room is another asshole move. Blend in with the rest of the players. If you are doing something unusually good, they’ll quiet down to hear you better. If you suck, you’re better off being ignored. That goes for your audience, too. If you’re any good, they listen and if you aren’t volume won’t change their minds.
7) Most important, have fun, be nice, and let music do what it does best: create a community between players and the audience.
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